Are You Lonely? Take This Test!
What a year I’ve had. Pardon me if I brag just a bit but I have to for you to understand the importance of what’s on my heart. In June, I was officially listed as a “best-selling” author by the Christian Booksellers Association. Hey, it’s not the New York Times’ list, but my momma didn’t write it either! That same month, I was escorted into an event in Chicago that had big yellow signs on the front door reading, “Dannah Gresh Event SOLD OUT!” Dozens of girls and moms stood outside asking for “just one more ticket.” My closest friends and relatives held a suprise party for me this month to celebrate the fact that And the Bride Wore White has sold over 100,000 copies. And yet…
It’s been the loneliest year of my life. I’ve cried buckets and buckets of tears. Some days I wasn’t sure I wanted to get out of bed.
At social events I just felt like the conversation couldn’t be more superficial.
You see, there was a deep, painful experience that occurred for me at the beginning of that year. My first true experience with rejection from someone I felt I could trust and be safe with. It's best if I'm not specific about it for God has not yet released me to talk about it but I believe someday he will.
Can you identify? Have you ever been just so busy with high school or sports or competition or youth group that you seemed to be at the top of the game all the while feeling isolated, a little sad and a lot like there was no one to really talk to.
What is loneliness? Ironically it’s not being alone. The strange thing about loneliness is that we feel it most intently when we are with people. Loneliness is the knowing in our heart that we were created to really, truly know each other in the deepest sense but we feel stuck with superficiality. I just have to tell you about this horrifying example because I think it demonstrates what I’m talking about. I have a friend who was in a tragic car crash that killed her little seven year old daughter. People just didn’t know how to step out of superficial mode to comfort her and to really reach her heart. They felt uncomfortable with her reality. The most common statement people approached her with was, “So, I heard you really crushed your foot in that car accident.” Hey, idiots….her daughter was killed! She and I spent time talking about seemingly small things…the way her daughter left her Barbie panties on the floor all the time, the fact that Disney’s Tarzan was her favorite movie, and that she loved horses. She confessed she didn’t know how to stop the hurt but because people didn’t want to talk about such simple, but real things, she felt lonely most of the time.
My loneliness wasn’t triggered by anything quite so tragic but it was triggered by a painful series of events. Loneliness is most often triggered by a major painful event such as the divorce of parents, a major dating break-up, an illness or long hospitalization, the loss of a loved one, a broken friendship or a rejection from a group of people you trusted. Let’s face it, it’s hard to talk about l.e.i. brand jeans or who is dating who when your heart is crushed by rejection or loss. You want to talk about real issues.
I’m not writing this because I feel lonely for in the past few weeks God has supernaturally healed my heart. (That's another story in itself!) I’m writing this because I believe God has used my experience to show me the loneliness of today’s teen girls. According to surveys, one of the three greatest fears of teen girls is that they will never be truly known and loved. Youth evangelist Luis Palau reports that loneliness is the number one subject he’s asked to speak about when he polls the audience. Albert Einstein once said, “It is strange to be known so universally and yet to be so lonely.” Even Jesus experienced acute loneliness. His disciples forsook him and fled in his hour of greatest need. In that darkness of loneliness, Jesus confessed His unshaken confidence in the presence of God when he said, “You will leave Me all alone. Yet I am not alone, for My Father is with me.” (John 16:32)
Are you lonely? Is there someone close to you who is experiencing this excruiciating alienation? Here’s how you might be able to tell.
1.) Has there been a significant painful event in your life (or theirs) in the past twelve months? (Parent’s divorce, boyfriend’s rejection, etc.)
2.) Do you/they zone out when people start talking about superficial things desiring to talk about “real” issues? (Perhaps you leave parties or see your friend leave them quietly.)
3.) Do you feel painfully isolated when you are with people? (If being alone is comfortable for you but being with people makes you feel alone, you are probably experiencing loneliness.)
4.) Do you cry often and feel sadness but still maintain productivity and efficiency? (Depression dampens ability to function. Loneliness does not. If you find yourself unable to perform, you should consider depression which can occur if loneliness goes on too long.)
If you answered yes to all of the above, you may be experiencing loneliness on some level. We all experience it at some point of our life. It’s not a sin. (Remember, Jesus knew this emotion well.) But it’s not something God wants you to live with as a trait of your character. So, how do you relieve loneliness? That, my friend, is the great “secret of the Lord.”
In Psalm 25:14, God’s word calls his people “the secret of the Lord.” This isn’t a secret like you or I would know a secret. It’s a rich Hebrew phrase that was difficult to translate into our language. It really portrays a tight-knit group of intimate friends; with unconditional trust; a place where weaknesses, strengths, successes and failures are shared. Oh, my friend, the pill to relieve our pain from loneliness isn’t one that just one of us can swallow. We must all dive in to become the “secret of the Lord”-so tight knit that we talk about real things in real time. That means we take off the mask and be transparent so intimacy can grow and our friendships are so deep that they aid us in our times of deepest need. Your choice is the mask or aid.
I’m issuing a Mask-or-Aid Chick Challenge! What’s that? It’s the ultimate slumber party with the purpose of sharing and praying over each other.
GAME TIME
Start with games and get giddy. (Laughter is good medicine, too!) Don’t forget the chocolate!!!
MASK TIME
Make sure everyone coming to your Mask-or-Aid Chick Challenge is ready to share transparently where they are hurting or struggling…what they are hoping and dreaming…where they need prayer and encouragement. How do you start this all? With facial masks, of course. Grab a bottle of a great mask and have a blast getting into your jammies and slippers while you slather on the face mask.
CHICK CHAT TIME
Once everyone has their face mask on, read Psalm 25:14 which says “The secret of the Lord is with those who fear him and he will show them his covenant.” Follow it up with a reading of this article. You go first! Share your heart. Spill your guts. What’s been your deepest hurt this year? What’s your greatest hope? Where do you most need emotional healing? Where do you need spiritual accountability to overcome sin? What dream do you treasure? After you have shared, ceremoniously wash your masks off!!! Ha! That’ll give the devil a good, clean kick in the butt! Now, let your friends take turns following your lead.
AID TIME
Once everyone’s masks are off, don’t forget to, pray over each and every girl one at a time! WOW! You won’t believe what it’ll do. Make sure that in the days and weeks to follow, you keep up with the friends who’ve shown you what’s behind their mask. Afterall, they did it to find aid in the “secret of the Lord.”
Let God provide the healing and laughter!
